The Internet Highway has changed the way we live and the way we love. It has changed the way we socialize and it has also increased the likelihood of finding love over the internet. Conversations are easy to strike up with regularity and it’s easy to discover that you have strong feelings for someone who lives hundreds or thousands of miles away from you! Many people are choosing to have long distance relationships (LDRs) LDRs might feel wonderful at first. However, they come with their own set of unique challenges as well. Many couples are blind-sided by the impact an LDR can have on their daily life. This person can now feel so close to you because of the internet and yet in reality, remain so far away. The paradox is weighty. The more prepared you are to handle the situation, the better equipped you both will be to make decisions along the way that will benefit you and your partner and possibly make it a safer and enjoyable experience. In this article, I have addressed 10 areas that you should pay special attention to when considering an LDR:
Identity. Your parents always said “don’t talk to strangers.” Long Distance Relationships that begin on the internet go against that rule 100% If you’ve never met the person, there is the issue of dealing with someone who is not who they pretend to be. They may also not be single. You don’t know their history. You only know what they tell you and what they show you. If this is the case and you like the person and they like you – I would recommend doing an online search to make sure they are who they say they are. Even then you cannot be sure but it’s a start. If you feel like your relationship could possibly get serious, the cost of the search is an investment in attaining some level of security.
Are they single? The internet is a perfect playground for people who are intent on cheating emotionally or physically. So you’ll have to do your due diligence to make sure they are available. Can you contact them anytime you want? Do they relegate contact with them during very tight windows of time? Do they suddenly have to get off the phone or shut down their connection? Can you reach them in the wee hours of the morning or in the middle of the night and have long conversations? Are they available during holidays or have that job requiring them to work every holiday?
Fidelity. Are they the loyal type (Presuming you are). Because you are miles away, you don’t have a birds’ eye view into their life. So if you have confirmed that they are available, now you have to confirm that they are just involved with you. That is something that can be proven over time. The question is how long will it take and do you have that time to invest? If so, then you want to be certain that this is not someone who is just using the internet to widen their player game. When someone is into you – they are 100% available for you and only you. It’s easy to not pay attention to the signs when they are right there in front of you when the image on the camera is attractive or you’re being told everything you want to hear. So be transparent with your life and ask the same of them. If they rarely want to let you see them on the camera or have issues with spontaneous conversations and are rarely available or extremely controlling, chances are you are not the only person in the picture or they are just not that into you.
Holidays. Remember that holidays happen all throughout the year. They will be a consistent reminder that you are in an LDR. If you are serious about maintaining your relationship you have to realize that long distance relationships cost money. In the beginning when emotions are high and love is in the air, finances don’t seem to be an obstacle. As a matter of fact, there is nothing that seems to be able to come between the two of you. However, reality sets in and catches many new lovers off guard. The desire might be high to meet but the budget could be low, unless it is planned for. So right out the gate, know that if this long-distance relationship is ever to go to the next level, you will have to take into account expenses to make meet-ups a reality. Where there is a will, there is a way. Both people should try to make equal efforts to visit one another to avoid resentment on the part of one party that could eventually break-up the relationship. If that’s not possible, then try to share the cost of one person traveling to see the other. If the holidays are approaching and it’s not possible to see one another, then you have to find a way to maintain the intimacy in spite of the distance.
- Honesty. Honesty promotes intimacy. If you are not willing to be honest about your feelings throughout the relationship, think twice about being in an LDR. You might feel like this is a safe haven because you only have to share but so much of yourself in a relationship over distance. You share what you want and when you want. You control when you want to talk to someone and when you want to be available. If that’s going to be the premise by which you operate, then your LDR won’t hold up over time. LDRs that last and develop into long-term relationships evolve out of continued and increasing intimacy. So if you struggle with intimacy and interacting on a regular basis over the long haul with someone, your relationship will run out of steam. Also if you feel you can’t endure the inherent limitations of physical contact with someone on a regular basis then don’t start down this road either. Most of all, be honest to the person you are dealing with in an LDR. You both made the choice and since no one forced you to be involved. if you decide to deal with someone that you can physically be with or met someone who lives closer to you, remember there is a real person on the other end of the line. Don’t just drop them because you can. Even though your feelings or needs have changed, try your best to treat them with respect and love. Give them the same care you would want from them. Karma is always on the job. What we don’t need is a lot more hurt people connecting on the internet than we already have. Connect responsibly.
- Creativity. If you accept this mission you have to open up your creativity in order to keep the spark alive. When you are together virtually, things can become mundane at times. Just as it can when two people who are physically together have been together for awhile. Unless a couple in an LDR pays attention, it can happen with them too. It can happen ever quicker because of the frustration from lack of physical connection or sexual contact. One person may be able to use their imagination to cross that physical bridge while the other one can’t. So you must be able to gauge whenever that is happening and commit to stay engaged. Here are some ideas to help jumpstart your imagination:
- Take the 5 Love Languages Test by Gary Chapman. This will help you understand each other’s love language so you understand what the other needs to feel loved.
- Watch tv together on skype.
- Use music as a means of expression and connection to one another. Share playlists, watch YouTube videos, play an instrument for one another.
- Meditate together with soothing music or a guided visualization in the background.
- Do “facetime” together when you’re outside and show one another what you see via your phone camera
- Take pictures and share them.
- Make short videos and share them. They can be funny videos, Dirty Dancing videos – just make sure to be yourself!
- Dress up and meet each other on Google hangout or skype and eat dinner together.
- Have a skype breakfast together where one person is in the kitchen cooking the meal and the other person is watching. Record and send a segment to your partner for future savoring.
- Make virtual vision boards together of your future vision of your relationship. It will keep you motivated to remain in the LDR vs. aimlessly staying in it with no end in sight.
If you decide to venture forth, know that you will both need to be very positive and not just for yourself but for each other to make your relationship work and to keep the flames burning. If one seems to be doing more of the work than the other, it will erode the relationship. The Internet Highway has expanded the reach of our hearts. The advantage: We have an opportunity to meet people we might not otherwise meet. We also are forced to get to know them on a deeper emotional level then we would if we had met and continued the relationship in person, because they are not physically available. So LDRs have the potential to reach the depths that other relationships may not. You may find that you are more candid and vulnerable in an LDR in time than you ever have been with other relationships of close proximity. The Disadvantages. You just aren’t able to be together all the time and that will create more stress the longer you are apart. The Answer: Faith, Focus and Love. The Question: Do you have enough? Will Time tell or will you tell Time? Your Choice. Your Destiny! Remember – never go to bed angry. Say “I love you” everyday and remember those words throughout the day. I wish you success and hope one day you get to close that distance. If you need help surviving an LDR (Long Distance Relationship) or your LDR has ended and you need help getting over it, contact me at
